Men Are Like Duct Tape

00:00 - Speaker 1 Real Life presents the Jack Hibbs Podcast with intention and boldness to proclaim truth, equip the saints and impact our culture. Hey, peter. 00:10 - Speaker 2 Peter says in 1 Peter, chapter 3, he says that we should dwell together with our wives according to understanding, because they are co-heirs of the inheritance that we have in Christ Jesus, even though they are the weaker vessel. What does that mean? Let's dive in to find out the practicality of being married and the practicality of God's Word molding and shaping us into the person that he has called us to be. Let's take a look at God's Word right now. 00:41 - Speaker 1 You can get the outlines of this podcast by going to jackhibbs.com/podcast today. If this podcast lifts you up and encourages you to live a more fulfilled life in Christ, then make sure you leave us one of those five-star ratings. To us that's like saying amen or yes. Then that rating will encourage others to listen Now. Open your hearts to what God's word has to say to you. Here is Jack Hibbs hey everybody. 01:10 - Speaker 2 Welcome to the Jack Hibbs podcast. We are so glad the Jack Hibbs show Jack Hibbs podcast. It doesn't matter, because we have no sponsors and we can do whatever we want, because we can't upset the people at Relief Factor or whatever it might be Although it would be cool to have that because it gives you more opportunity to expand. But we're not asking for any monetary relief on your end. We're asking you to pray for us. Please pray for us. We believe that the God who hears prayer, answers prayer, that exalts his name and his word, and we're going to exalt his word right now. Listen, I know that we've been having some podcasts lately that have been pretty heavy, pretty intense, and that's good. You have to have that. But I'm not saying that this is any less intense, but I think it's something that many of you are just going to absolutely love, and so it is. 02:05 This. It's 1 Peter, chapter 3, right out of the good old Bible, 1 Peter, chapter 3, and this is what Peter says. Listen to this. Peter said husbands, likewise, dwell with your wives with understanding, giving them honor, so that, as to the weaker vessel, but as being listen heirs together in the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. That is one verse that is pregnant with incredible truth. Can I say this everybody, those of us who are married technically? 1 Peter 3, 7 is so involved and so powerful that you and I don't need to read any other Bible verse. This is enough to get us busy. In the area of discipleship Number one listen husbands, husbands. The Bible refers to husbands as being male men, not mailmen, but not the mailman Men who are males are husbands. I just want to make sure, especially for our California viewing audience, that you understand that it says for us, as husbands, to dwell with our wives according to understanding. Number one. That's impossible. No man can dwell with his wife with understanding. 03:34 Did you know that, due to the nature of the fall of man, that men and women what did somebody? Didn't somebody write? I mean, I'm sure there's a million books out there on this Women? What did somebody didn't somebody write? I mean, I'm sure there's a million books out there on this issue, but didn't somebody write a book called Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, or something like that? I didn't read it, but I love the title because it's like you can't get it in further apart. By nature, that's is, men are fixers. If we had a t-shirt, it would say fixer. I'm not exactly sure, although I'm sure again, there are great books written on this regarding the psuche, the psychology of who we are that as men, we hear about a problem and within five minutes we want to fix it. That's why we're big fans of duct tape. Men love duct tape. I speak for every man. 04:36 When you go down the aisle at Home Depot, we might be there for a toilet plunger and we will leave with a toilet plunger. But the toilet plunger is the second thing that is in our cart, duct tape. We might even get multicolored duct tape. It comes in white. Now they got black, silver, blue. It's incredible why? Because the duct tape is the ultimate manifestation of the very heart of a man. It's broke, the jet engine's broke. We're about to launch SpaceX. My golf cart won't work, the lawnmower won't start. What's the answer? Duct tape. It's always the answer. 05:14 And so, as men, where do we get that concept? Duct tape, we've got to fix it. We've got to fix it. Don't get us into the details, that just freaks us out. We have to have a fix. 05:26 And women don't want a fix. They don't want the fix To them. The fix can come later. They want to sit down and tell us all of the reasons why it's a big problem, why it has driven them crazy all day long, or all month long, and this is my problem. Please listen to me. And we're sitting there, we're biting our nails, and this is my problem. Please listen to me. And we're sitting there, we're biting our nails. It's like can you please get to the punchline so I can go to the garage and get duct tape to fix our communication problem? Can you please tell me the problem so I can go to the garage and get the blue colored duct tape to fix the depression? I don't know Whatever it is. We're fixers and listen. 06:05 When we're married, we are commanded by God to dwell with our wives. According to understanding, it means this, gentleman. It means that we need to learn to listen and we need to learn to ask the right questions. But take it from somebody who's been married for 46 years. Here's how it goes. Hey, babe, here's the deal. You've been troubled by something. That's really obvious. I don't normally listen very well. I think you already know that, so I'm going to really try right now. Can you tell me what's going on and I'm going to do my best to shut up and listen. So can you let me in on what's happening? Yeah, thanks for saying that. Sit down, in fact, let me make some coffee. We'll sit down and guys do it. Do it, Jack, I can't even think about doing that. Stop, stop and stop, Do it. Listen to her. Listen to her, get it out. 07:09 Because part of the relationship between a husband and a wife is the wife going into that cathartic mode of exposing and revealing her heart through communication, one-on-one, sitting on the couch or at the table, and all the distractions are gone and she's sharing, she's unloading. And as much as we hate that, we have to embrace it, because them doing that makes us a better person. Because guess what? Duct tape is not always the answer. It's hard for us to grasp that. And you say you're right, it's WD-40. That's the answer. That's not the answer either. 07:46 Most often guys listen up. To be a good husband is to actually do the thing that you absolutely despise and hate. Just think about this If my wife is asking me to do what I don't want to do, she's probably correct when it says to dwell with her with understanding. That's impossible, because God would have to give us the ability to understand her. Guess what he does? He gives us the ability to understand her, every single one of us. If we're honest right now I'm talking to the guys if we would just take the time to listen and to let our wife know that we're listening by just a simple, simple response, by saying wow, I didn't know you had that kind of a day. That's intense. That would have drove me nuts. Or I didn't know you felt that way about Susie or about Billy. I'm glad you told me. 08:44 When you begin to say things like that, she immediately begins to understand that you were actually listening, especially if you double back and come back and say well, about 20 minutes ago you mentioned that they wound up driving away, but you didn't tell me where they went. How did that unfold? You want to make your wife's day? Ask that kind of a question? You see, yeah, but, Jack, that means I'm going to have to listen. That's right. You're going to have to listen and so kind of flip it around. 09:18 If you would, if a wife was to dwell with us according to understanding, what would God tell her about you? This is what we're talking about. Don't you want to live with your wife and have her understand you Well. The same is true the other way around. The answer is how we approach that. Because we're different Venus Mars, male, female, different. Venus Mars, male, female, different there is a way of coming to a divine, established relationship in the marriage that God has created. He invented marriage that this is how it works and most of the time, I must tell you, it defies human understanding. But it works Kind of goes like this let's be honest have you ever sat down to work out a budget? 10:09 I remember when Lisa and I first got married I had an incredibly high paying job and three weeks before the wedding I lost that job. My boss wigged out on me and then I sat down. This is the worst thing you can do. I'm sure Dave Ramsey is going to write me a letter and say don't ever say that again. I sat down and I wrote down the budget, tithing electric bill because we were going to get married and move right into an apartment that I had reserved. I took it off the market because it was a really nice place, really nice apartment. You had to wait in line to get even selected. I got it and I had this apartment. Lisa will remember for sure, but it was months. I was paying rent on this thing for months but nobody was allowed to live in it until our wedding night. Right, that's kind of cool, that was Lisa's rule and that's great and so. 11:00 But I felt I started to write down whoa, this is, these are my bills, this is what I'm going to have to make, budget this stuff out, draw a line. This is the deficit I'm living in or I'm going to live in. How am I supposed to be married and be this kind of a bum like this, just making the negative compared to the cost? And did you know something, you guys? It never worked out on paper and it worked out every month perfectly. I don't know how. I mean, we do know how. Now God did it. Somehow the income got a bump, or there was a little overtime this way, or it turns out that this particular thing went down. It was so intense that gas prices we would watch gas prices by the nickel to see where could we go or not go. It was that intense. I'm not joking. 11:53 You, lisa and I for a long time went from eating anywhere we wanted during our dating life nicest restaurants in Southern California. Money was no issue to literally becoming a huge fan and supporter of what was called back in those days, hamburger helper. I don't even know if they make it anymore, but Danny Moore's stew, which is probably made of some form of toxic waste. We ate it all the time Because we didn't have any money. You know what, though? We were happy Jesus was first. We would get our bills right in the mail, we'd get our checks, our paychecks, and we would combine our paychecks amount and we would write our tithe check first to the Lord, put it in an envelope for Sunday morning. Then the second envelope we opened up was the first bill, second bill, third bill. 12:49 And did you know that many times during those years when, for example let's say I'm trying to make something up right now there was when Lisa was before we were married, she signed up for some auto shipping. And Lisa was before we were married. She signed up for some auto shipping. She had to pay a fee every month for auto shipping of cassette, tapes, of, like, her greatest hits thing. It was in something that actually they mailed it to you Cassette, eight track cassette. Every month you got one. It was like 12 bucks a month. 13:24 I told Lisa, we're not doing that anymore. We can live without music and they wouldn't break the contract. I called them up and I said hey, listen, she entered into this contract with you. She was 17 years old when she entered this contract with you. That's illegal. You can't do that. Oh, okay, uh, we'll cancel. So, while you still owe us for this much and here's the deal we owed them like 30 bucks, or she owed them like 30 bucks I sent them what we could afford $2 a month. Did you know? $2 a month and I wrote a note. I said sorry, this is all we can afford at this time. They can't do a thing to you. That's what we did because we couldn't make it work. Guess what happened? That began to draw us together in the unified understanding of finances. It was a great thing, friends. 14:12 Listen, as a young married couple, you guys are warring back and forth because of your differences. Why don't you lay down your bazookas and your swords and shields and come together and say how do we combine our brainpower and the guidance of God to work out these issues so that we can have this be something of our past? That's dwelling with your spouse. According to understanding, it also means this, and I highly recommend this book. Gary Chapman wrote a book the Five Love Languages. Buy the book, read it, listen to it. It's an audio book and it's an actual physical book. Gary Chapman, the Five Love Languages. You're going to find out who you are reading that book. You're going to find out who he or she is by reading that book. It's going to help you dwell together in understanding, because God wants you guys to become one and it says giving honor to one another Isn't that beautiful? As joint heirs of Christ. In other words, we're both equal before the Lord. We're both completely equal. 15:14 And God says in that portion of Scripture to acknowledge her as being the weaker vessel. That doesn't mean she's dumb. It doesn't mean that she's pathetic. It doesn't mean that she's a little dense. It doesn't mean that at's a little dense. It doesn't mean that at all the weaker vessel, meaning that the weakness of her is something that you and I actually need in our lives, because we're too ignorant and strong in other areas. 15:43 When a husband and a wife come together, the husband broad brush paint I get it broad brush painting. The husband becomes more soft because he needs that and she becomes more resilient because she needs that. When you come together, understand this. We come in with duct tape and WD-40 like a bull in a china shop WD-40, like a bull in a china shop and then she comes in with the dustpan and the mop and you know the 911 call to pick up after us. Coming together, there is a unifying that is very, very powerful in marriage and instead of resisting one another, you need to come together, and I love how this is to us as an admonition that because she's the weaker vessel, it doesn't mean that she can't bench 300 pounds. She probably can't. By the way, if your wife can bench 300 pounds, you better do whatever she tells you to do. That being the case, I doubt that she can do that. It's not physical strength exactly, but it means something more to this. Ken Husbands, men, you're the one that is to worry more about. 17:01 I don't mean worry, be anxious for nothing. Yes, I already heard you say that I got that. You don't, husband. Whatever concerns her, take it from her. Say that I got that you don't, husband. Whatever concerns her. Take it from her. Tell her I got that, I got it. 17:14 Oh, this is really bothering me. What is that light bulb out there keeps driving me crazy. It's flickering off and on. I got that. Now, can she change the light bulb? She can. Should you change the light bulb? Yes, just go, do that kind of stuff. 17:29 Okay, can you make a souffle? Of course you can. Would I want to eat it? No way, if your wife makes it, let's eat it. You see what I'm saying. We can do it, she can do it. It's best if we don't, it's best if she doesn't. 17:44 It doesn't take an Einstein to figure this out. Each of you have your wheelhouse of strength. Each of us have our wheelhouse of weakness. When we come together as a couple, those things are strengthened in the positive way and they are diminished in the negative way. It's beautiful, it's amazing, and a lot of couples need to learn this in this day and age. 18:06 Well, my husband doesn't get me. Have you sat down and said I don't think you get me? We need to have a talk. And he's going to roll his eyes. He's going to kind of go into some sort of like epileptic seizure. Tell him stop it, stop it. I'll even give you ice cream when it's done. Just listen and you talk to him and that's where you break the proverbial ice and you begin to share and begin to talk, and I got to tell you right now, no wonder why. 18:39 Jesus said a man a man by nature loves himself, and so the wife. If the wife is loved, then the man will have a very happy life. So, man, sir, if you love yourself, love your wife, and you'll have a good life. And then it's so true. Everyone, we all know that's true. So I want to wrap this up by saying this to you Find out what your wife wants from you. 19:09 She'd write it down. What does my wife want from me? Ask her, when you guys get back together this evening, say hey, listen, I heard this bozo on this podcast and he said a few things. I want to ask you something what do you want from me? What is it that you'd like me to be or to provide for you? And then write them down. Tell her to go easy on you, though, because we're kind of like three bullet points and that's overload. Just give us three bullet points, we'll start there. Just give us three things. Don't let her unfurl a list. You'll never get started. You'll just jump off the end of the pier. Don't do that. Have her give you three things. Well, honey, this is what I need from you. I need you to take out the trash, because I hate telling you to take it out. The other thing is will you please lift the lid when you take a pee? I'm sick of that. Just lift the lid and then will you shut it when you're done. And at the end of the day, when we get home from work, can you ask me how you doing? How was your day? 20:14 Three things can change your married life. Start communicating through little things. So I'll end with some examples, because Lisa and I are joint heirs of the kingdom of God together. That God, we're married. God brought us together. Some of you are thinking right now, I can feel it. Some of you are thinking well, that's true for you, but not for me, because I'm married, but I'm not exactly sure if I loved my husband when we got married 10 years ago, 10 minutes ago or whenever ago. Are you married? That's where you start. You're married. The Bible says if you're married, stay married. So check this out, communicate, begin to work on these things. 21:05 And so, for a man, he might say to you, the woman well, I feel like you're always nagging, and your response is going to be I'm not nagging. You may not be nagging, but watch. I'm telling you, women, this is inside information. This is right out of the man cave. All she said to me was. All she said to me was can you pick up the dog from the dog spa? You have no problem picking the dog up from the spa, but she yelled at me. Did she yell at you? Did you yell at him? I did not yell at him, but it was said like this Can you please pick up the dog from the dog spa? Did you hear that tone? She even said the word please, but nobody heard the word please. How about this? Can you get the mail from the mailbox? Get the mail from the mailbox. It's 30 feet away from the front door. You know how? He heard that Disrespect, disdain, just disgusting yelling. You could have whispered it, sister, and he would have felt the same way. 22:33 For a man, a woman's tone is everything. It's so huge. Guys, write in the comment sections if you agree or disagree. Write in the comment section, whatever platform you're watching this on. But I know I'm right. I've had 46 years to figure it out. It took me 46 years to figure it out and we also think like this I'm going to show my wife that I love her. I'm going to book a dinner at that five-star restaurant and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. 23:06 Wait, great, great motive, great idea, but that may not be what she wants. She may what she needs right now. She might say to you, honey, why did you do that, why did you go through? And then you're going to feel all hurt. Oh my gosh, I can't win for losing. 23:23 No, go to her and say listen, I want to do something to show you how I care. Give me three things that would communicate to you that I care, something that I can surprise you with. Just rant, I'll surprise you, but give me three things. What are they? She might say something like let's watch a movie tonight with popcorn in our pajamas before the sun goes down. That's a great feeling, isn't it? Or she might say wow, do you remember how we were when we first got married? We drove through Taco Bell at midnight in our pajamas. Let's do that tonight, all right. Or she might say something like this I want you to give me the thumbs up. I'm going to call the local nail shop salon and I'm going to. If that's what you want to do, bless me with this. I want to go get a pedicure and a manicure. I'm going to put my headphones on and then I'll bring home on the way home, sweetie, I'll bring home spaghetti and we'll just eat in the backyard. Let her answer. You Start there. It can happen. 24:40 But dwell with your wife, according to understanding, implies that you have got to be honest enough. I mean, come on, you guys, warning, remove from the room now, little ears. Warning, remove from the room now, little ears. Dwell with your wife, according to understanding. So many men because I talk to men literally every month, a couple thousand men every month. I get together with them and one of the big things is this All my life I've been waiting for my wife to greet me when I drive in, when I pull into the door, wrapped in cellophane or covered in whipped cream. She's never done it yet. Have you ever told her to do that? Well, it's no fun telling her. Well, listen, her mind is not where your mind is. Their minds are not where our minds are. 25:33 You and I can be watching the finishing seconds of the Kentucky Derby and your horse is about to be overtaken and your wife can walk by, and you have a sexual thought and you have to hit pause. What's wrong with us? Look, we are fallen. It's weird. Our wives will say what's wrong with you? How can you be thinking like that? The Dodgers are down. It's low bases are loaded. It's the ninth inning Dwell with us, according to understanding. 26:06 Also, but ask your husband what's the deal? Make your marriage work. It's a lot cheaper than ending it. Make your marriage work. It's a lot cheaper than ending it. Make your marriage work. It's a lot cheaper than paying an attorney. You know what. Make your marriage work and watch your friends and their marriages. Follow your example. 26:30 Listen, that's all the time that we have for today the Jack Hibbs Podcast or the Jack Hibbs Show. I keep forgetting which one this is. It doesn't matter. If you like us, like us, give us a thumbs up, do the five-star thing, tell somebody about it. Whatever platform you're viewing this on, let people know. 26:47 But we want to bring you practical Christian living in a world that is starving for reality. The beautiful thing about what you and I are doing is look, I'm real. This is not AI. This is, I believe, heart to heart, belly to belly, so to speak. Reality conversation. That's what we're all about. So stand strong in Jesus. Listen, we, we believe. I believe that it's time to always live out what we believe in, and that's why so many of our ministries are titled Real Life. Now, this is the Jack Kavis Podcast. Yes, but we're all connected to the Real Life Network. If you're not a subscriber free free subscriber to the Real Life Network, you ought to become one, because it's free and get some content going into your life that will build you up and strengthen in the things of God until next time. 27:41 - Speaker 1 God bless you guys this Jack Hibbs podcast, as well as all the broadcast outreach opportunities, are listener supported. Will you consider partnering with us through a special gift? Go to jackhibbs.com to learn more and stay connected.